𝙇𝙄𝙁𝙀 𝙄𝙎 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙏𝙍𝙐𝙀 𝙏𝙀𝘼𝘾𝙃𝙀𝙍

“Et lux in tenebris lucet...”

Dear friends,

I wanted to send you an update about my health. So many of you have been writing to me, asking how I’m doing, sending the sweetest messages of love and support. I have been so touched by the overwhelmingly loving and caring response to my last email, in which I announced that I was taking some time off from teaching/sharing/writing to focus on my physical well-being. Thank you for your heartfelt words, your stories of your own health journeys, your poetry and your heartfelt recommendations. I haven’t been able to respond personally to your literally hundreds of messages so far, but I treasure them all and they are giving me more strength to keep going through this health challenge.

And thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who have sent donations, I can’t thank you enough. It moves me to tears to feel supported so much by this sweet community!

I will use the money to help with my medical bills and expenses.

It means so much to me to be supported by so many people from all over the world, many of whom I’ve never met physically. But… we have met energetically, in the heart. In the words and in the silences.

As I shared in my last newsletter, I am being called to really face life right now, to not look away, to soften into the moment, to really live this teaching. It’s humbling. It’s full-on. It’s not always easy. I am so grateful to dear friends who have supported me along the way, given me courage when everything seemed bleak.

A few months ago, out of nowhere, I started to experience really intense unexplained physical symptoms, to the extent that I could barely function. It’s been quite a journey the last few months, to begin to understand what’s been happening in my body, to find the right ways to heal for me. I’m happy to say that some of my symptoms have improved, and some are still works in progress...

I truly do hope to return to teaching/sharing as soon as I can, but I want to give myself time to rest, and heal, and process what I’ve been through, both physically and emotionally. The past few months have certainly given me new insights and realisations, but what I am clearer than ever about is that healing is a very mysterious path, full of ups and downs, dead-ends and unexpected new beginnings, simplicity and overwhelm, with good days and bad days, and nobody can walk your path for you. Well-meaning others may try to give you advice, diagnose you, heal you, offer you cures and answers and panaceas and new paths to tread, but in the end, you are asked to follow your own gut, or follow the advice of deeply trusted ones, or follow the Universe itself, as it leads you through the days. Well-meaning others may claim, “I know what’s wrong with you! I know how to heal you!”. But again, your heart and gut and bones will reveal the true answers, your true path, the true Way, if you give yourself time and space to listen, and if you don’t give up…

Even in the moments when you cannot hold yourself, something else is holding you.

*

No matter how awakened or enlightened – or physically or emotionally healthy - we think we are, life will always throw up new challenges, bring to light things that were buried, make us see what we weren’t able to see or didn’t want to see from where we were. We are called to notice the ways we run from life and ourselves, the ways in which we escape into our minds and into our fantasies (both positive and negative) in order to avoid painful sensation and emotion, the ways in which we cling to images of how things “should” be, the ways in which we lose touch with the ground of grounds, the present moment.

Sometimes it’s hard to trust. Sometimes we feel that we’ve lost our way or been abandoned by the universe, or that something has “gone wrong”. It’s so very human and natural to feel these things. And we learn to take these frightened children in our arms, hold our resistance and fear and wanting-to-run-away parts with love and compassion. And we find the places where we know it’s going to be… okay. And we realise, the resistance and the fear are intelligent, and not a sign of our weakness or our lack of spiritual progress; not a sign we have “lost” the path, but very much part of the path.

Not one of us is immune. From pain, from grief, from unexpected heartbreak. From loss. From the perspective of the ego, this can be terrifying, disappointing, frustrating. It shatters the image of “The Enlightened One”. From the perspective of the heart, this shattering can generate and breed such compassion. We are all in this together. On some deep, perhaps unfathomable level, my pain is your pain, my suffering is yours. We are not separate at the deepest layer, although sometimes we can feel very separate! It’s the great paradox and mystery of creation. The divine is flesh, the flesh is divine. It’s the wave forgetting it’s part of the ocean, and remembering again, and forgetting….

We are all disciples, and we are all teachers, and we are all One, and we are all unique.

*

I will be sharing more about my health journey as time goes on. But for now, I just wanted to let you know that I’m... okay. And I wanted to express my gratitude. To each and every one of you. To all of you who have allowed me to share from my heart over the years. To all of you who have supported me, my writing, my sharings, my books, my courses. To all of you who have allowed me into your lives. I feel such gratitude right now. For each breath. For each meal. For every friend who can truly listen. For the good days and the bad days. For the hustle and bustle, solitude and quietude of each day. For being given days at all. For this mystery of a life. I have been humbled once again. Life is the true teacher.

I love you all. Thank you for your loving support. I’ll keep you updated.

With blessings,

Jeff xxx

6th March 2021